I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Randomize
