kristin has been a bad kristin
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
