Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
