I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
