She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
BRING THE BAGELS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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