We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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