she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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