Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
