I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
