Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
