2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
