Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
