There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
