the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
