is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
