she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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