apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
