just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
