I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
