The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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