I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
