And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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