Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
