I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
