We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
