Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize