woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
