Your dad touched me again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
