My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You are a genius and a whore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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