I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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