Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
