So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
