it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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