Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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