i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
