I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
