I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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