If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
