She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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