Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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