Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize