"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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