the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
