He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
