My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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