So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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