Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do vagina's smell?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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