But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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