yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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