You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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