Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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