remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
