I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
