Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
