is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
