i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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