If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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