You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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