yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize