I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
