I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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