Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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