I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
