She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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