There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
