you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
