You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
