I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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