If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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