you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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