is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
