tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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