she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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