My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
