he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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