thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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