Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
